It all just disappears doesn’t it? Everything you are, gone in a moment like breath on a mirror.
Any moment now, he’s a coming, The Doctor and I always will be. But times change and so must I. We all change, when you think about it.
We are all different people all through our lives and that’s okay, that’s good. You’ve got to keep moving so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.
I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when The Doctor was me.
The [Eleventh] Doctor; Doctor Who, Episode 241: “The Time of the Doctor“, 2013.
Despite not experiencing any numbness in my limbs, nothing felt quite right, not even my emotions, and certainly not my eyesight. In fact, I highly doubt that I could feel anything.
– “I was given painkillers, wasn’t I?”
– “Yes, to make you comfortable”, replied my Hungarian buddy. After a long pause, he added:
“I did tell them you will not be happy about it.”
– “You bet I am not! Happy is celebrating my team’s accomplishments at the end of the year, such as onboarding one the largest clearing houses in the world into our first-class global proprietary platform: An unprecedented achievement! It is being treated to a live performance by Neil deGrasse Tyson[*1] while history was being written with respect to our efforts to slow down Global Warming:
“We Do Not Inherit the Earth from Our Ancestors;
We Borrow It from Our Children.”
It is also turning into a baking machine for both the annual Winter’s Eve festival and the work holiday potluck. Happiness is also felt through attending year-end celebrations in the tri-state area. Or hosting the annual Polyglot NYC holiday game night in Inwood. Or participating in the Global 5K. Or putting the finishing touches on the design for some of my ubiquitous computing ideas for augmented reality devices (to be posted soon). Or enjoying the holidays with my family in Helena, Montana despite the heavy snow, flying there only a few hours following the annual Christmas Eve Concert in NYC[*2] (recordings to be posted soon)
This is nowhere the realm of joy or happiness. This is anguish!
Emotions are affective aspects of our consciousness. Feeling pain allows our sense of empathy to evolve. Its lack thereof desensitizes us from the harsh realities of life. How else can we strive to better ourselves each and every day? To transform ourselves and contribute to making this world a better place?” The room was as silent as a graveyard, a quite suitable for “Wrap Up Part 3“[*3] as background music.
– “We all need to feel. It is part of the natural balance of things. I can handle a great deal of pain, you know?”
– “Now is not a good time to talk about this.”, he interjected, obviously cognizant of the direction my speech was taking.
– “There will never be a good time to talk about the darkest day of my life!”, I lambasted. “Lilly is dead. She is never coming back. Nothing can be as unbearably painful as experiencing yourself die. Even if you are later reborn as something else, as the phoenix does, nothing will ever be the same again.”
– “You really don’t remember what happened, do you?”, gently asked the same familiar masculine voice I first heard when I awoke.[*4]
– “What are you all trying to tell me… or NOT to tell me?”, I replied, quite puzzled by his query. Then, with all the strength I could muster, I finally asked the second-most question to have been bothering me ever since I regained consciousness:
“Is there a particular reason why I am still unable to see things clearly?”
– “YES!”, they replied in unison, “You have changed.”
I felt tiny pair of hands tightly holding mine, as warm as the tears now rolling down my cheeks.
– “Où est Monsieur Noël ?”
And a little girl whispered:
– “He is gone.”
[*1] Check out “We Stopped Dreaming“, a wonderful video compilation of Neil deGrasse Tyson‘s speeches, by Penny 4 NASA. He is great on StarTalk Radio and freaking awesome in person!!! ^_^
[*2] Pix/recording of the Christmas Eve Concert
[*3] Wrap Up Part 3, Soundtrack: Lucky Number Slevin, J. Ralph, 2006.
[*4] See the series intro post.
(Next post: End of January 2016 – PART II: THIS TOO SHALL PASS)